Sometimes I think my child is on loan
So here’s something weird – sometimes I feel like your mom (even though you look nothing like me) and it feels natural and all those instincts that everyone talks about are strong.
Yet other times, I wonder WTF I’m doing – how do I know how to teach you lessons, how do I know how to mother, and how do I know to set boundaries, to discipline, to nurture in your best interests? These are the times I feel like I’m your babysitter or au pair, like any minute your “real” mom is going to come and take over, someone who knows *exactly* what they’re doing.
Please know that this has nothing to do with not connecting to you, or loving you enough, or not thinking you are awesome enough – it’s quite the opposite. It’s so good and you’re so phenomenal that sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s no dream – that I really do have the privilege of being your mom.
I love you dude,