Tag Archive | parenting

No. Non. Nien.

Dear Max

Sometimes our conversations go something like this (for example, like what happened this afternoon):

Me, to a crying toddler: What’s wrong? Do you want something to eat? (naturally, being Jewish, this would be the first question. We generally like our food).
You: No (while shaking head)
Me: Do you want something to drinK?
You: No (while shaking head)
Me: Do you want some milk?
You: No (while shaking head)
Me: Do you want to come up?
You: No
Me: Would you like to visit Mavis?
You: No! (getting more irritated)
Me: Would you like to play on the iPad (after all, if it’s not food and drink and Mavis, it’s the iPad)
You: No
Me, getting a bit desperate: Would you like to watch CBeebies?
You: No! (getting more agitated)
Me: Would you like a little sleep?
You: No
Me: Would you like to build some Lego?
You: Noooo!
Me: Do you want to play with your trucks?
You: No….
Me: Max, I give up.
You: No!

And this is the thing, Max, I often have no idea what you want, how you want it, or when. Most of the time it’s a guessing game, and I’m in awe of moms who *know* what their babies and toddlers want the whole time, or who know what their babies’ cries mean. I read those books, but I couldn’t always figure out a wet nappy from hunger from fatigue from irritation! (any parents out there, like me?)

So dude, I’m sorry if I’m not always able to figure it out. I hope to get it right when you’re older, when it matters even more. When you have the words, but are too ashamed/scared/proud to say them. Until then, I’ll ask/guess/be dumbfounded/figure it out eventually.

You are THE cutest thing ever, even in a tantrum. Kinda.


Gift of the ungab… when do I start worrying?

Dear Max

I’ve never been big on developmental milestones and have never really followed where you to the week or month you should be in your development. I’ve kind of just relied on my own intuition, and on the rare doctor/nurse checkup, plus what your teacher thinks, rather than sticking to the books.

But now I’m starting to doubt myself a little, and your processes, and I’m getting a little worried about your limited vocab. At the moment you can say a few words – out (you must have picked this up from me while shouting at the dog), car, dada (though this extends to other people too), mama (same as with dada), tata (goodbye) and dankie (thank you). And while part of me thinks that you’re the kind of dude who does everything in his own time and that you’re more than fine, another part of me is freaking out a bit that there might be something *wrong*, or that you are “behind” in development.

The relaxed part of me is saying that you’re healthy, you’re happy and understand what people say to you, whether it’s “touch your head” or “let’s go and run your bath”. But something is nagging at me, and I don’t know whether to give into the nagging, or just chill a little and give it another month or so and take it from there.

And that’s the thing about parenting – you do what you think is best at the time, but it might not actually be the “best”. So if I leave it, and something is wrong, I might be causing you more harm. But if everything is proceeding as is right for you, and I start panicking and rushing you to experts, this might affect your confidence/happiness/security.

So for now, I’m leaving it for a little longer. I hope I’m not fucking up further. I hope you find your words in good time.

Love Mom