So I’m going through a bit of a challenging time at the moment, so the Kleenex supply is needing rapid replenishing, along with the ResQ Remedy (but more about this soon – I’m still trying to find the words and strength for that particular post).
I’ve said this before and I feel it all the time – no matter how crap I’m feeling or how scared or sad I might be feeling, seeing you and having you around me makes me so fricking happy. And the more you’re growing and interacting, the more I’m loving you, which doesn’t imply that I didn’t love you heaps before, but just that motherhood gets so much more enjoyable.
Thank you for turning my frown upside down so often, and for giving me the best reason ever to keep things together, and to keep moving, and to pull myself towards myself. I don’t always get it right, but that has nothing to do with your huge smile, your dimply hands, your beautiful heart and awesome self.
I am grateful to have you in my life. *reaches for more Kleenex*
A good friend of mine is going through a crappy time. She had a baby recently, and things feel quite dark and scary for her, a result of the changes, and the weird chemical and hormonal crap that sometimes happens when you have a baby.
I was never in a deep hole when I had you, but there were times when I was so scared and overwhelmed that I cried myself to sleep, or looked at you and thought I could never measure up to you as a human being, let alone as your mom.
I have told my friend that there will be light, that the feelings of fear will be eased, that she’ll find her spirit again, and that she’ll eventually get out the pit. But when you’re there, you never quite believe it, and it hurts like hell waiting for it to pass.
Max, I know you’ll have sadness, because I know you have a big soul and that you won’t be ashamed to “feel”, because Dad and I will show you that it’s okay. More than okay. And for as long as I can and as long as you’re willing, I’ll try pull you up from the trenches, and equip you with the know-how (even if it’s how to ask for help). Things pass. So does the darkness, if dealt with, and felt.
To my friend (sorry Max, usurping your space again), I’m here to listen, to say “I felt that too”, and to eat crumpets and drink cappuccinos. You’ve got the support. And you’ll see the sun soon.